i'm in the computer lab at school waiting for my darling roommate to get out of class so we can go home together. the boy beside me farted.

my journeys in life are very (fill in the blank) right now. sure, you can call me stressed. before this, i craved stress. i wanted to be so busy making money that i wouldn't have time for anything else. i guess that i wanted an outlet; an excuse to not have to deal with life for awhile. it's safe to say that i am in a "calming", hiding from experiences. but am i? i say that i don't want anything to go on in my life for awhile, but get so sad if i'm not doing something, or if i didn't have my  three or so phone calls a day. i've thrown myself out in that crazy world- to see what happens, and it's never good. it's okay, people go through phases. i need to accept the fact that this is my "hibernation phase," and the sooner i come to terms with it, the sooner it'll be over.  you gotta get down for something wonderful to come up.

i'm not sad everyday. but i'd be a lot better off mentally if i didn't think every single thing out. every word. every thought. I THINK ABOUT MY THOUGHTS! does anyone understand how annoying that is? then i find myself thinking about how i am thinking about my thoughts. i suggest you try it out. but i'll warn you,  the next thing you know, you will be hooked on it harder than crack.

i would like to inform the general public that i deleted two whole paragraphs addressing the topic of "soul mates." i decided i didn't want anything of that sort in words.

yesterday was the best day i've had in so long. the air felt different, getting me crunked up for fall. i had been hanging out with these kids from new hampshire for the past few days before they go back. aaron pulled me aside for a talk, and he told what i probably don't deserve hearing. i don't think i'm worth anything, i'm human and i'm a failure. i'm working on accountability relationships with two people. i want to grow. i want to watch them grow.

robley and i had a really amazing talk about everything that was pissing me off. granted, he was throwing up his intoxication, but i believe that every word out his mouth was the truth.

i've got to stop this boy crazy nonsense. i'm making myself sick.

school starts in one week. i haven't gone to bed before 5am in over a month. help! i have 8am classes.

my life consists of me in my car, speeding and almost crashing because i'm changing cd's in my rigged discman. there is always a suitcase and pillow in my backseat, wondering when it will next be used. i am tired of that drive to and from atlanta. i am ready to move into a new home and make it mine. as bad as i hate the drive every day or so- i do not regret living with my parents this summer. in fact, i wish i was home more often. i waste so much time that could be spent elsewhere. this future of mine...who will it be with? i was almost certain for months who she'd be and the way we'd decorate and the fun we'd have. those thoughts ran through my head in a consistant stream of certainty. wow, this will be so much fun. but so much fun also leads to falling down. i am not ready to handle that challenge. i do not discriminate if my friends are christian, athiest, agnostic, etc...but i need to come home to someone who inspires me in my walk every single day, so that i may go out and have God's light shine through all my actions. i'm very nervous with what i might have to say. might? no, i have to.

this is my sister who i love very much. she only wears tie dye shirts. the other day she was bored so she made a spiderman costume, consisting of a foam paper mask and a cape. spiderman doesn't wear a cape.

i finished the movie, i got off the ride, and the next adventure is ....in japanese?

anyway, my life is a blessing. god really works with my prayers, especially when others are praying for me as well. for example, that situation i've been stressing over these past few weeks...i was talking to lauren about it and she prayed for me. i woke up this morning to a text message. and now. gone. it's so relieving. i'm learning that prayer is the most important thing ever. i have nothing or no one else to depend on.

my creativity is crying to get out! my workspace is completely covered with everything that has no place else to go. i want to get better at sewing. once i get in sewing mode, it's hard to crack it...and i want to be there again. i remember when i shot out 15 mixed media works in a matter of weeks. it's the best time i can spend with myself, and i improve with new techniques and styles. i need it. and i need to stop living out of suitcases and boxes. it really stresses me out.

i'm really excited to see napoleon dynamite. i have 4 free tickets that kyle elise and i are using on saturday.